The word of the week: existentialism. Okay, I know that it's part of the name of a Straylight Run song, and not much more to most people my age, or at least not consciously, but after reading the play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead last week, the wheels in my head started cranking. If you haven't read it, it's a play from the Theatre of the Absurd, and follows along with Hamlet. Me? Not a big fan of Shakespeare....I know, I know. Please don't throw vegetables and other rank objects that will go splat and be generally messy. Call me cynical or sour or what have you, but I hate the whole premise of Romeo and Juliet. One cannot fall in love in a day. It's too unreal to think that a love that strong can grow in such a short amount of time. That's the exact reason that I hate Nicholas Sparks' novels....the notion of unattainable love. I am a hopeless romantic. The candles/tell me sweet things/love me forever/chivalrous et cetera type romance. Not the whole 'In the face of unsurmountable obstacles, they found a way to stay together and have hot, steamy sex everyday, and then something happened and they both died from heartache' love. I see a clear difference, but not many others do....whatever. Wow, quite the little invective, yeah?
Back to my original point, the Theatre of the Absurd is all about dropping characters into situations that are unfamiliar with little to no memory of who or what they are. They have to search within themselves to figure out what their purpose is, what they're meant to do in life. I can relate. I am striving to become a radiographer. But, I don't want to be defined by that. I don't really want to be defined by anything, but it's human nature to label and compartmentalize. If it's not able to be classified, then no one knows what to make of it. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern end up dead in Hamlet, as they do in Ros and Guil are Dead (like my abbreviations?), but they spend a lot of time using word games and misinterpretations to figure things out. Poor Ros gets reprimanded by Guil pretty regularly just for being himself, or figuring out how to be himself as the case may be, but both end up being okay with their fates. Which was frustrating to me. Being beheaded for transporting someone that is clever and misleading is not 'okay.' But if Hamlet was just executed when he's sent to London, I suppose there wouldn't be much of a storyline. I find Hamlet to be whiny, by the way. We covered the whole 'Shakespeare and I don't get along' thing, right? Oh, The Tempest....definitely a funny play, though. Not a damn clue about it, but intriguing nonetheless.
I just want to be multifaceted and hard to nail down when labeling. I have this (unrational?) fear of only doing one thing for the rest of my life. I also don't want to throw away my education when I decide to leave radiology in search of something new. If it was possible to get three majors in only four years, then I would definitely be an English/radiology/business major, but I barely have time to major in radiology with an English minor.
So, the question lingers--For what am I here? The age-old question of man. I don't know, maybe we're just supposed to make the best of what we get, but when we are able to dictate for what we are prepared, who really knows what it is they want to or are capable or reaching? Does anyone? I'm just tired of driving towards one goal, which takes up all of my time, while desperately wishing for time to fulfill other objectives to get to others goals. Like owning a record store. Or simply being a good influence on or mentor to kids (little intelligent mischievious nerdy heathens) like I was. I still need a mentor or someone to keep me from spinning off into oblivion, so that last one might take awhile. Like any of the others will not take awhile.
"Each exit is just an entrance to somewhere else."
Have a delicious breakfast in the morning!
--Madame Twitch
P.S. Listen to Against Me! New Wave is spectacular and capable of multiple, intensely explosive eargasms. Trust me. I'm all about musically-induced eargasms. They're awesome and stuff. Also, the song "Stop" goes along nicely with the theme of this post.
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