Stasis.

I've been trying to figure out why I don't have anything to say anymore.  I used to turn insignificant life shit into wild, flourishing stories.  (Not so much on this site, but another one.)  I think it's just that life slowed down, err, not exactly slowed down, but is definitely less hectic.  I've got a normal nine-to-fiver (well, a 2230-0730er), a husband, bills, a house, et cetera, et cetera....  And all this means that I don't spend a lot of time trying to dissect every little bit of my life and thought processes because it all works, more or less.  And if it works, why should I poke at it until it's an open, pus-oozing wound?  I'm working on not turning my life into open, pus-oozing wounds.  It's going okay, thus far.

However, this is not an inactive stasis.  I've put all my over-analytic thinking energy into coming up with ideas for future business ventures.  I'm not going to be in WV forever.  I'm too restless to do x-rays forever.  I like to write probable-socially-unacceptable poetry.  I like to pretend that I can play musical instruments well.  I like to write stories that have no endings....maybe I'll put out a collection of short stories that are left open-ended.  What do you want to happen?  Are you in a good mood?  Then they all lived happily ever after.  Are you pissed the fuck off?  Then they all died in a terrible grocery store hold up gone horribly wrong.  Are you sad?  Then make the ending make you happy.

But, seriously, back to the future business ventures.  A bar.  Where people go.  To drink.  And stuff.  The drinking will be grade A, but the 'and stuff' will be lovely.  Music, comedy, poetry, parties, discussions....the possibilities are endless.  (But, did you know business plans are extremely fun until you have to do the graphs?  This is true.)  I can't contain all of the thoughts in my head at the moment; they're all spilling out all over the place.  I'm talking to almost everyone about them whenever I can.  Jason's obviously going to be the other half of this adventure.  It means that I'm going to have someone to help with the shit I'm terrible at.  That's pretty much our relationship--I have 'let's do this and this and this and add more colors, MORE COLORS, and OMG did you see that? let's add some of that too, this is awesome, uncontrolledideavomitGO!'  That's what I bring to the table.  And he helps me sort through everything and make it more concentrated and wonderful.  It's why we're so good together.  Plus, the love thing.

The Mountain Goats' new album, All Eternals Deck, is my new jam.  Please get at that shit.  Also, the new Frank Turner album comes out in June.  WHY CAN'T JUNE BE HERE NOW?  Look up "I Am Disappeared" and "Peggy Sang the Blues" on YouTube.  I'm currently too lazy to link you.  Do it yourself, two readers.

k

P.S. I realized I still do have a lot of things to say.  Thanks.

The answer is life.

Y'know what sucks?  Life.

Y'know what can be beautiful?  Life.

Just thought I'd leave that here.  I'm tired, but relatively happy, despite not getting to go to Katie's wedding and probably not getting to kick off hiking season due to rain this weekend.  The blogs I used to write are starting to come out in letters to people, so I'm kind of spent when I go to blog.  Sorry, five followers.

Somehow, I think you'll live.  Go to singitforjapan.com and watch the video.  Buy the song.  Donate to the Red Cross.  It does the soul good.

Also, don't forget Record Store Day this weekend!  I'm working on a list of records I hope to get.  Might be ordering a couple.  The music recommendation for this blog will be David Bowie's The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars.  Just listen to it.  Don't think about his package in that kid's movie.  Enjoy the music.  :)

k

I deleted a bunch of my depressing stuff.

I quit with all that jazz.  Until it gets so bad it's spilling out against my will, I'm going to try to be more positive.

I got to see Murder By Death and Fake Problems on Monday night.  It was glorious.  I met Chris Farren, and he was a cool guy.  The bar was tiny but surprisingly less crowded than most of the concerts I've been to.  We had a really good time.  Jason ended up having to drive home because I drank too much beer.  He was mad.  He had to work the next morning, and I got to sleep all day.  I told him I loved him before I fell asleep.

It was a good night all around.  I think I'm getting better.  I think it'll be okay.  Nights when I'm home are the worst, but even that is getting a little better.

All in all, healing is happening.

k

Oh hey, I'm going to a shrink.

Yup. I guess we'll see how it goes this time. The last few times, I've gone, they've gotten upset when I didn't just pour my problems out on the proverbial table right then, and I've gone home with two or three prescriptions that never got filled.

If I find a therapist I trust, I guess I might try some drugs or something, but until then, I'm not falling into that shit again. Pills and I do not mix well. Or we mix too well. I'm not sure.

Snoop Dogg is on TV shirtless. It's kind of terrifying.

Also, LISTEN TO MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK'S MY DINOSAUR LIFE!!! DOOOO IT! I'm convinced they know my life. It's uncanny.

Now, it's Bruno Mars on TV. He's talented and adorable. I hope he doesn't actually jump in front of any trains or catch any grenades for any mean bitches. He seems better than that. But, who am I to judge?

k

I know how depressing my blog is, guys.

So, please enjoy this photo of Corgi puppies sharing an invisible sandwich.

Sometimes helplessness can feel worse than any other emotion.

It's truly awful.


k

I'm tired.

I'm at work right now. Blogging. Wrapped in a warm blanket and drinking mint cocoa. Listening to the new My Chemical Romance single, "Na Na Na." Catchy, no? I'm actually more excited for this album upon listening to this single than I was after hearing the whole of The Black Parade. This is still one of my favorite bands. I will never lose my fangirlish-ness for MCR. I don't see it happening. The video.

Anyway, I need to go do work in a few minutes. Morning portables. I am incapable, it seems, of thinking/typing in full sentences tonight.

I was reading through some of my shorts I've posted on here. There are a hundred more where those came from, but I'm not happy with any of them, really. There's maybe four or five of them I would be comfortable letting people I know and trust read, but other than that, I feel that they're all trash. Trash with excellent grammar.

Korn is on MTV. Suddenly it's 2000, and this is what the world of MTV is telling me is cool. I believe them and find it cool as well. Hurm. Well, you live and learn.

As for my musical tastes lately, it's been a rotating loop of Dresden Dolls (getting to see them live next month is going to be one of my favorite nights, I'm sure), MCR, Brand New, La Dispute, Gaslight, and Frank Turner. Seriously, I feel like these people are in my head sometimes. It's scary, but it also lets me know I'm not alone. This work schedule is hard for me and Jason both, but it's something we have to deal with. We're up to the challenge. Music is filling in the gaps when I'm alone. Xbox 360 and Rob is filling in Jason's free time. They're like a couple of old ladies antiquing all the time.

My record collection is growing. The last few additions were a Frank Turner/Tim Barry split, "Try This at Home" 7", High Violet by the National, and Planet of Ice reissue by Minus the Bear. All are being thoroughly enjoyed at 33 RPM. (We're never going home until the sun says we're finished.)

I couldn't help myself.

"Louder than god's revolver and twice as shiny."

k